Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Standing Still AND Making Changes ...

The first year since we lost our youngest son has passed. I have wanted to blog about this for awhile but just never felt the words. I have prayed over this post as I truly felt led to "someday" write it.

You never forget what you were doing, where you were, etc when something very traumatic happens. Most of us remember exactly where we were and what we were doing on that September 11th day - I know I do. That is the exact same feeling when my older son had to call me with the news that his younger brother had been in an accident and was in serious condition. I won't go into all the details but I remember that day (October 5, 2011) as if it were yesterday; I can even tell you what I was wearing. But that's not what this post is about .... I cannot tell you who did or who did not come to the wake/funeral - those details are fuzzy. I do remember telling the funeral director and the pastor, that as his mom, I was the first to kiss him when he entered this world and I wanted to be the very last person to say goodbye right before they closed the casket. But again, this post isn't about those things. I may or may not be able to tell you what you said or didn't say to me but one thing that I heard over and over again was not to make any drastic changes that first year.

Well, the first year has passed ... so many firsts I went through; we went through as a family. The only constant in that first year was that I didn't make any drastic changes EXCEPT to stand still. I chose to use my first year dwelling into God's Word, praying and listening - not just for His voice or instruction - but also listening to my heart; finding myself, allowing Him to show me what my "heart desires" are/were. Anyone who has ever lost a loved one will tell you that your focus just isn't there. It's just enough to get out of bed and do the "normal" activities that others take for granted - getting dressed, eating, drinking water, etc. I remember being so frustrated that I prayed "please, just let me have my focus back." Most people will tell you that it takes at least a year, usually longer, when you lose a child to regain "that focus". Thankfully, God answered my prayer with a "yes" and swiftly, as I regained most of my focus at exactly the six-month point. Waking that morning, I felt different - sad, yes - but different and I soon realized that my focus had returned (I still have MOMents and even days that my focus is strained but those I can deal with).

Finding myself by listening to God was one of my highest priorities. I still don't have all the answers, and quite honestly, I probably never will. But I did learn a lot about myself. No, I'm still not going to make any drastic changes at this time but as you follow along with my blog (and my business), you'll see some of the things that I learned about myself, my goals - both business and personal, my decorating ideas and more. One thing that I did decide (and some of you are going to cringe - especially those in business) is that I cannot separate my business from the personal - my business is an extension of me, of the people and things that I care about. Who I am is reflected in my business and I don't think I would want it any other way. 

I have found that not only am I more compassionate toward others, but I judge less - after all, we really don't know their circumstances, we didn't/haven't walked in their shoes. I have found that "Prim 'n Purdy" is really an extension of "Lori Homeyer" - it is all the things I love and want to share with others. I know that I can't please everyone (and I've learned that's okay) but I want to share "The Message" with everyone I meet. I want to be "the light that shines", the light that shows others God's love - not just with words, but with actions. And I want to live my life by walking in the path that God has chosen just for me, and this includes my business too.

Sometimes, the very best thing we can do in life is STOP! Stop and allow God to show us what our heart desires (not the other way around); Stop and lose focus; Stop, take time reading His Word and just listen to our Lord, as He directs our paths. I hope you will continue to follow along with me on my God-given journey; follow along as I share my story while also introducing you to the things I love with my business ideas and inspirations. As we approach this time of Thanksgiving, I am truly thankful that God has opened my eyes; I am thankful that no matter what happens, I know that He is in charge and in control.While I may mistakes along the way (hey, no one's perfect!), I know that He will direct my path even if it means traveling in a circle until I get it right.

Country FarmHouse Blessings,

1 comment:

  1. Lori, Thank you for sharing such a personal entry on the loss of your your son. God's grace has certainly abounded to you to endure such pain. I am reminded of another couple who lost thier youngest son in Scotland this fall. So many were praying for him on FB, but he finally lost his battle with menengitis after several weeks. Like you, his father sharing the day by day was so humbling. God bless you on your journey, and prayers for your continued healing. Surely there is comfort, while missing your son, knowing he is living in eternity with our Lord, and filled with joy every day. Carrell